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Memorial Prayers
During Bar and Bat Mitzvah Services
A Conservative Perspective
by Rivka C. Berman
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Many of us find ourselves celebrating the Bar
Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah of our children, joyously and gratefully, but with an
underlying sadness caused by the absence of those who are no longer with us.
Parents, grandparents, and even siblings who have passed on way before their
time. We find ourselves wanting to include them in some way. What
should be done?
Though no formal ritual exists to honor the memory of a relative at a bat mitzvah,
there are traditions to you may adapt. One can ask the cantor to chant the memorial prayer.
Lighting candles is another expression of Jewish mourning and memorial tradition,
as flickering flames are symbolic of the soul. You may add a candle for your
beloved relatives who have passed at a candle lighting
ceremony or just include a candle for them on the cake.
It is also common and respectful to include special stories and anecdotes about the relationship between the
person you are missing and the bat mitzvah girl and bar mitzvah boy, or how they are similar, or how
something the celebrants evokes old and cherished memories. You may Include a tribute to the
person in the bar mitzvah booklet with a picture and a brief poem or quotation.
(Perhaps a copy of the speech given by those departed at another bar or bat mitzvah
celebration.)
Life is beautiful and much of its beauty is brought
upon by the constant renewal of life and memories. Including the past in
the present and in the hopes for the future makes the ceremony more meaningful,
more spiritual and more emotionally rewarding.
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